Dear Readers,
I have a problem.
For the last 10 months — while my husband was deployed to Afghanistan — I have been having an affair. And now he’s home, and I have changed more than I knew. If you have any suggestions for how to deal with my problem, I’d be happy to hear them.
This is how it all began. My husband and I both work at a University, but he has remained in the Army Reserves for his entire adult life. With the dual conflicts oversees, we knew he’d be activated.
What I didn’t know was that the boyfriend of a soldier under his charge also worked at the University. This I found out during a family event for the departing Unit. I noticed Carlos right away. He is a very friendly, very polite young man who is on the custodial staff for the department where I am an assistant to the administrator.
Saying goodbye to loved ones for a full year deployment is challenging, but living without them is brutal. I missed Paul immediately, and I could see that Carlos missed his love as well. We discussed this briefly when we saw each other at work over the ensuing few weeks.
We never saw too much of each other, however. Carlos worked a late shift, so he came in to work as I was leaving, and he left before I arrived in the morning. One night we spent more time together, as he needed to talk. He was pretty upset, and wondered out loud if he would be able to stay faithful for a full year while she was away.
I understood his concern. Its not that I contemplated cheating, but I knew that a man might. Paul was, after all, my second husband. My first had difficulty with the concept of fidelity. I thought that by befriending Carlos I could help him through this difficult time.
And it worked, just not how I expected.
It started with emails, and short chats as he arrived to work when I was heading home. It evolved to some weekend lunch dates and long walks. In truth, I did not see things progressing to an affair.
And I didn’t see it for many reasons. Carlos is 20 years younger than I am, in fact, he is a much better age fit for my daughter. He is also very athletic, and I am less so! He looks more like a swimmer than a janitor. I look my age.
This might be disappointing for you readers, but let me describe myself. I’m 5’4″, have short brown hair and brown eyes, and I even wear glasses. I guess the best way to describe my body is like this: I would have the perfect hourglass shape if I had D-cup breasts, but I am an A-cup. (Disappointed? I have been my whole adult life! LOL!)
So you can see — age-wise, body-wise, and even race-wise Carlos and I were mismatched. (Carlos has a black father and a Hispanic mother, and I am Caucasian.) Probably because of this my defenses were down and I allowed myself to grow close to him.
He asked me over to his place one Saturday afternoon when he was particularly depressed. We chatted for hours. At the hight of our conversation I let him know that it can be difficult to be involved with someone in the military, but that we had to be particularly stable with them deployed. I explained that they needed us to be strong, so they could be determined on the front lines. I made it clear that fidelity is our patriotic responsibility.
Then he kissed me.
And again. And with a passion that I have never known. And I didn’t stop him. We made love with a ferocity completely foreign to me. His body was like none I’ve ever known, and mine responded to his more powerfully than ever before. He was larger than life, and I was completely swept up in him.
I know this is a forum for erotica, and I am going to continue in that vein, but words would cheapen our first time, so I will omit them here.
I somehow convinced myself, and Carlos agreed, that we could use our special relationship as a way of remaining strong for our significant others. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I convinced myself that Carlos would be more stable for his girlfriend, if I provided an outlet for his passion. In this way I actually felt I was being noble.
And I was being noble a lot – more than at any time in my life. And I loved it.
We needed to be absolutely discreet. He lives exactly 6 minutes from my office. To all that know me, I began using my lunch hour for an exercise walk. (I’ve lost 9 pounds, too!) With 12 minutes for travel, and 8 minutes for undressing and dressing, on Mondays through Fridays we had 40 minutes for each other in the middle of the day.
This worked well for Carlos, as he usually woke and showered just before I arrived. This also worked well for me, as I began fantasizing about him a half hour or more before ‘my walk’!
Although no event was exactly the same, we did fall into some routines. Carlos always waited for me naked, he always tore my cloths off, he was always demanding, and he was always powerful. I learned about my limits, and realized that I am capable of more than I expected. I learned to be perfect for him.
Physically he differed significantly from my husband, but it was one difference in preference that motivated me most. I imagine that all men love oral sex, as do Paul and Carlos, but whereas Paul like to reach orgasm orally, Carlos treats that simply as a warm-up and saves his orgasms for lovemaking.
Oftentimes I would try to make him cum with my mouth, almost fight for it, only to be overpowered by him in the end. It’s a fight I didn’t mind losing! Carlos often lifted me to the table, or pushed me to the floor, or leaned me against the wall; anything to gain access. And when he did, he wasted no time.
Carlos’ strength and speed always left me breathless, but it was his control that left me awed. Carlos never came before I did, no matter how far along I had him with my mouth. He had complete control over his and my body. I fell in love with him, and with how he made me feel.
Our lunchtime interludes were not the totality of our intimacy. On Saturday I often went grocery shopping for him, I helped clean his apartment, and I spent a few more hours in his arms. Although our Saturdays were wonderful and our lunchtimes spectacular; it was the time at the end of my workday that I longed for most.
Every workday — every workday — I waited in my office and prepared myself for Carlos. And every workday was the same. Carlos entered my office, turned off the lights, walked up to me, and without a word waited for me to get him ready, and then he silently fucked me at my desk. Not a word shared. No major variation on the theme. The second time he made love to me every day — the second time every day! — was always somehow dirtier, more animalistic, than the first time. And my heart raced waiting for it to happen.
In the 10 months I have been with Carlos I have made love to him more than any other man in my life, and I have learned how much I actually crave physical contact.
Here is my problem.
Paul has returned and Carlos has broken up with his girlfriend. Paul and I have a very healthy sex life for a married couple — we make love 3-4 times a week. I have not stopped seeing Carlos, although I can no longer visit him on Saturday.
My problem is not guilt — I have never been happier. My problem is that meeting Carlos was random, and very lucky. I want another lover — someone who could meet before work in the morning — but I have no idea how to find another perfect man.