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The alarm function on my phone went off at 8 AM and that galvanised me into action. I jumped out of bed, ran downstairs to put the kettle on, then back up again, to have a quick shower. I was expecting the shit to hit the fan just after nine so I wanted to be ready.

My wife Joanne was still sound asleep. We had not arrived home until four in the morning after dropping our youngest daughter Michelle off at university. Why Joanne should be so tired that she was sleeping in, I couldn’t fathom as I had just done all the driving on the five hundred-mile round trip whilst she slept most of the way. Joanne and I had been married for almost twenty-five years. We had three wonderful children, whom I am very proud of; as they had all made it to university. The oldest, Estelle, had graduated last year and was now, in theory, backpacking around the world. David was about to start his final year at Oxford and finally there was Michelle whom we had just ferried up to Newcastle.

Having had my shower, I rushed back down, made some coffee and took it back to the bedroom.

“Here ya go. Coffee, sleepy head.”

“God, what time is it?”

“Almost nine, time you shook a leg”

“Why, we’ve nothing on for today?” she said as she pulled herself into a sitting position so she could drink her coffee.

I, in the mean time, slapped two suitcases on the bed and began to put my clothes in them. Joanne watched me for a few moments before her curiosity got the better of her.

“What are you doing?”

“What does it look like I’m doing, my love? Let me give you a hint. I’m taking my clothes out of my wardrobe and dresser and putting them into these suitcases. I would call that packing. Wouldn’t you?”

“Why are you packing? Are you going somewhere?”

“Well, I would have thought that was obvious!”

“Where? Why?”

“Why! You sit there and say! You don’t know why?”

“No, I don’t know why?”

Joanne had gone very pale. She had taken me for a fool for many years and did not suspect that I had any idea of what she had been up to behind my back.

“Joanne, what do I do for a living?”

“You run a security company and look after people’s security for them, I suppose? I don’t really know. You travel around meeting people a lot but you never talk to me about your work so I’m not sure.”

“Wouldn’t it be more honest of you to say you’ve never cared what I do. Providing you have had the money to spend, you have never showed the slightest interest in how I acquired it. For all you know, I could be a bank robber!”

“Don’t be silly. When we got married you told me you worked for a big security firm! Then you started your own company. I know you work long hours but you have never told me what you do.”

“Yes, Joanne I do run a security company. When any of our friends or acquaintances asks, I tend to be a bit vague with them. But what I really run is a detective agency! I’ve twenty freelance detectives who work for me. They all specialise in different fields. Some work on company fraud and do background checks on prospective employees. Some work with security of computers and some work on what we like to term domestics.”

Joanne had suddenly turned very pale and I think I saw her stomach give a couple of lurches.

“Are you feeling alright, Joanne? If you’re going to be sick, please make sure you do not make a mess on my clothes. Would you like me to get you a bowl?”

“Don’t be stupid. I’m not going to be sick. But I don’t know what your job has got to do with your packing? Are you going on a trip that you haven’t told me about?”

I went over to the dresser where my laptop was lying; lifted the screen and hit the touch pad key. The screen flashed into life with a picture of Joanne on her knees naked. A man’s cock was jammed down her throat. The man’s moans of pleasure came out of the speakers

“Well, I was bloody sick! The first time I saw film of you behaving like that!”

Joanne was quick and went straight on the attack.

“What did you expect! You haven’t made love to me in years. I had to find satisfaction somewhere. Just because you lost interest in having sex with me, did you think I should give up sex as well?”

“Joanne, I stopped making love to you when I found out you were having threesomes with Tony and Greg, the two trainers at the health club. Because they were fucking any slut they could get their hands on, I didn’t know what you might catch from them. On the subject of those two, have you heard from Tony lately?”

Joanne didn’t reply she just sat there looking at the screen.

“You haven’t answered me! Have you heard from Tony lately? No, I don’t suppose you have. Well, for your information he was admitted to an A.I.D.S. clinic last month. If I were you, I would go and have some tests done.”

Joanne was openly crying now.

“You bastard, you knew and said nothing.”

“Nothing about what? Nothing about you fucking any guy that takes your fancy. Or nothing about Tony having A.I.D.S. I honestly don’t know how long he has been infected. As you haven’t fucked him for about three years you most likely are safe. But that doesn’t mean you haven’t picked up something from one of the other arseholes you’ve been screwing.”

“Why didn’t you say something? If you had said something when you found out about Tony and Greg, I would have stopped fooling around.”

“What would have been the point? You have been fucking around on me ever since we were married. You surely didn’t give a shit about me or my feelings. If I had challenged you, you most likely would have run off with one of your arsehole lovers and left me with the children. No, once I found out you were sleeping around I decided to wait until the children had flown the nest and then leave you.”

“You cold hearted bastard. Do you mean to tell me that you have been planning to leave me the moment our children have left home?”

“Not our children, Joanne! Your children! Only Estelle is mine. David and Michelle have two different father’s.”

“Don’t be so silly, of course you’re their father!”

“I doubt you have any idea which of your lovers fathered them. But you know DNA is a wonderful science. It can tell who fathered which child. It took my people some time but I know who their fathers are now and have taken steps to rectify things.”

“This is ridiculous. You are the father to all three of our children.”

I put my hand up to silence Joanne.

“For fuck’s sake woman! You have been cheating on me since we first met. Both before and since our marriage. For years I worked myself to a frazzle to buy you whatever you wanted. You have taken the piss out of me for years and in the end I caught you. Stop trying to pretend that you are anything but a slut. Now from today you are a single woman. You can fuck whoever you like with a clear conscience.”

At that moment the phone began to ring.

“That will be for you Joanne. I’m surprised they haven’t rang earlier!”

Joanne glowered at me as she picked up the phone. Then I listened to one side of what I thought was an entertaining conversation.

“Hello.”

“Yes, it’s me!”

“He’s doing what?”

“How much for?

“£300.000! You’ve got to be bloody kidding. He can’t do that. Can he? I’m sorry, Dave. I didn’t know he knew. He has just told me he is leaving me.”

“How the hell do I know? He said something about DNA.”

“You tell me how I can stop him. I told you he’s leaving me!”

“Well, you appeared to enjoy yourself enough at the time.”

“Fuck you, too! You arsehole!”

With that, Joanne slammed the phone down and started crying again.

“That was David Tucker; he says you’re suing him for £300.000.” She mumbled through her tears.

“That’s right. I have fed and clothed his son for twenty-one years. Paid for a private education and supported him through Oxford. I think he’s getting off quite lightly, don’t you? But now I think I want my money back from his real father and if I’m lucky it will fuck up his marriage.”

“You are going to destroy his marriage. Haven’t you got a conscience?”

“Come off it, Joanne. Where do you get off talking about my conscience? Where was your conscience when you fucked him, and where was Tucker’s conscience when he was fucking my wife? He chose to fuck you and that left you pregnant. Now he can pay for the privilege of fucking you. The pair of you chose to let me believe that David was mine.”

“I thought he was yours, honestly!”

“You were probably fucking so many guys you didn’t know or care who was David’s father. But I know and so does David now!”

“You told him? How could you do that? You callus sod!”

“Of course I told him. He has the right to know who his father is. To tell you the truth he suspected what kind of woman his mother was. Why do you think he has spent so little time at home since he started university and did not come near here this summer.”

“You’ve driven him away from me.”

“I’m sorry to have to tell you this but it was he who didn’t want to come here and see you. I tried to make him at least say good bye. But I should imagine you will see him at the divorce court.

My cell phone played its little tune to say I had a text message. I read the message then turned back to Joanne.

“Ah, perfect timing. David has just informed me that Michelle no longer wishes to know or be in contact with you. Her father also will also have got my summons by now.”

“You bastard, you’ve turned them all against me. Hold on, that message can’t be from David; he’s in New York.”

“You wish. Neither David nor Estelle left the country this summer. They have both been staying at my new house; well, its Estelle’s house actually. We didn’t want your lawyers to be able to try to make any claim on it. The children don’t wish to see you anymore. David and Estelle were in a car parked behind us when we left Michele’s lodgings last night. They have explained to her what you have been doing and why I am leaving you. Michelle was given the choice of which parent she wanted to go with. It appears she has opted to go along with her siblings. Joanne, it looks like you are alone.”

“You can’t do that. They’re my children!”

“All three of your children have had a completely free choice. They know who has looked after them all their lives. And they know who has spent her time living it up and behaving as a whore.”

“I’ll stop you. You can’t take my children away!”

“Your children have had a free choice, Joanne. I know I can trust them to make the right decisions. Oh, when you contact your solicitor tell him that my company actually belongs to Estelle and has for the last few years. No sense in them wasting time and money trying to claim a share in something I don’t own.”

“Bastard!” Joanne shouted at me as I left the room with my suitcases. They were the last words I ever heard her say.

Joanne didn’t contest the divorce and I pay her no maintenance. David and Michelle’s fathers settled out of court. Not for the £300,000 I asked for, but enough to give both of them a good start in life. What happened to the arseholes’ marriages is no concern of mine. The children refused to see Joanne and officially we don’t know where she is. One of the staff reported to me that she was charged with prostitution a few months back. But I have managed to keep that from the children.

I am marrying my ex-secretary Samantha in a few weeks. No, we didn’t have anything going between us whilst I was married. When I first found out about what Joanne had been up to, it was Sam in whom I confided. She left the firm to have a baby, several years ago. Whilst she was still in hospital after having the child, she found out her husband was shacking up with some tart. Naturally she turned to me for support. Sam is ten years younger than I am but my children encouraged us to go for it.

Life goes on.

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