*
I’d got back into Heathrow on a late night flight. The traffic on the way down west had been awful, as it was the August bank holiday, the worst day of the year for holiday traffic. Accidents had caused jams that stretched for miles and I was dead beat and not in a good mood by the time I reached my home.
“Hi, honey,” Allison, my loving wife of ten years said as I walked through the door. “Would you like some breakfast?”
I thought I might as well, before I went to bed to hopefully sleep off the jet lag.
Over a fry up of bacon and eggs Allison gave me a run down of her week; although I wasn’t exactly listening as I was really half-asleep. Then out of the blue she dropped the bombshell.
“Robert, have you ever thought about swinging?”
Feigning ignorance I replied. “I’m not with you, babe. What do you mean by swinging?”
“You know, swapping partners for sex.”
“No, that’s not something that I’ve ever contemplated. What makes you ask?”
“Oh, a couple of the girls were talking in the changing room, down at the tennis club. I just wondered if you’ve ever thought about it?”
“My love, you’re the only woman I need. I don’t need to try any others.”
“Ah, I suppose you would say that. After all you had other women before we were married. I was a virgin on our wedding night. You’re the only man I’ve ever experienced. I was wondering what being with another man would be like.”
“Wonder no more, my love. We’ve all got the same equipment and those women I went with before I met you did a good job of teaching me how to use it.”
“But I can’t help but wonder if another man would be any different in bed.”
“I don’t think I like where this conversation is going Allison. Are you trying to tell me you want to bed another man?”
“I think I am. Would you mind?”
“Of course I would. It’s not something I could countenance.”
“It would only be sex. There would be no love involved. Don’t you trust me?”
“I’ll be honest, baby. I trust you but I don’t trust myself. I’m not sure that I could handle the thought of you with another man.”
“You don’t really love me then. If you did, you would trust me not to fall in love with him.”
“Him! Who are we talking about here? It appears you’ve already picked out a stud for yourself.”
“Well, I was thinking of Tony Marsh.”
“Who? Tony Marsh, that bloody great prick. He’s an arsehole of the forth Dan. He doesn’t know how to treat a lady as she should be treated. Why the hell do you think he’s never got married?
“The girls were saying he’s a real stud and he has an enormous thingy.”
“An enormous thingy. Is that what you are looking for, an enormous thingy?”
“Be serious, Rob. The only one I’ve ever seen is yours. They say Tony’s is really big and gets to places that a normal sized one doesn’t. I want to know what it feels like.”
“And are you telling me I don’t get you in those places?”
“How do I know? You’re the only man I’ve ever had sex with. I’d like to know how you measure up?”
“Well, if you ever try to compare me with another man in bed, you could find you’ve made a big mistake.”
“What do you mean by that?”
“Well, men don’t like to be compared to others when it come to our prowess in bed. It hurts our ego.”
“Oh, don’t be silly. I just want to experience another man. I can’t see how that can harm you.”
“Well, I’ll warn you. Experiencing another man could be a big mistake. You could find you’re not happy with my “normal sized” thingy as you like to put it, afterwards.”
“Now you are being silly. I love you. How could I not like having sex with you?
“Ah, now super-stud Tony’s thingy could well have touched those parts of you that my normal sized thingy can’t. You could find you don’t get the same enjoyment from sex with me after you’ve tried that great big monster thingy, like Tony’s.”
“I think you’re jealous of Tony’s great big thingy.”
“Allison, Tony’s thingy is one thingy that I’m definitely not jealous of. I’m quite happy with what the good Lord chose to give me, thank you, and I would hope that you would be happy with it as well.”
With that the conversation ended and I went to bed. Over the next week or so Allison kept returning to the subject but I told her as firmly as I could that I did not like the idea of her having sex with Tony Marsh and I wasn’t sure I would tolerate it.
In the end she told me that she intended to get laid by him no matter what I thought. She said it was her body and she could do what she liked with it. What right had I to deny her the experience of a big thingy?
When I came home from work on the Friday evening, I found Allison getting ready to go out. “Are we going somewhere?” I asked.
“I am. But you aren’t.”
“Pardon.”
“I’m going out with the girls. If I’m lucky, we’ll meet up with Tony Marsh and I’ll get to try out that big thingy of his.”
Angry, of course I was! But at least I knew what she was up to. She could have sneaked out to meet him, when I was away on a trip and without me knowing. But she didn’t have that much sense.
I busied myself a while with a few little chores that needed doing and then I settled down to watch the box.
I heard a car pull up outside about half past twelve and then Allison staggered through the door in a very dishevelled condition. Her blouse was undone to the waist and the tights she had on when she went out were in her hand.
“Did you have a good night, Allison?” I asked.
“No, I didn’t! Tony’s thingy is nowhere near the size of yours and he has the finesse of a pig.”
“Yeah, I’m told he always used to brag about it at school until I moved here. Then he went quiet once he saw me in the changing room showers one day.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Tell you what?
“That you had a big thingy which was even bigger than Tony’s. All the guys call him Big Thingy. I assumed he must have the biggest one around.”
“No, Allison, the guys all call Tony ‘A Big Prick’ and by that they mean he has about as much brains in his head as can be found in the average Prick, or thingy as you like to call it.”
“But you never told me you were bigger than him.”
“That would be bragging Allison. You know the only thing that I brag about is how beautiful my wife is. Such a shame that I won’t be able to do that anymore.”
“And why not? Have I suddenly turned ugly or something.”
“No, Allison, you’ve suddenly gotten divorced. Your clothes are already at your mother’s house. I took them over earlier. Now please get out of my house!”
“But you can’t do that. You can’t throw me out of our house.”
I picked Allison up and carried her to the front door. I carefully placed her outside on the porch and then closed the door. “Who says I can’t? Good-bye, Allison, let me know if you find anymore big thingy’s,” I said as I did so.
Then through the door I called out. “I think I’ll go the tennis club tomorrow, I hear there’s a shortage of big thingy’s up there. I don’t suppose I’ll go short, do you?
Sometimes you don’t what you’ve go until it’s gone!< />
Life goes on.